NO RESOLUTIONS - 2017

Christmas is over as sad as I am to admit it, now approaches the new year with never ending new years resolutions.

I actually enjoy new years resolutions  and usually write them down in my phone as a note and re-read them every few months as the year goes by, ill admit that I am guilty of having the cliché resolutions of being healthy and getting fit both resolutions I have yet to accomplish.

I wrote down in my phone new years resolutions and what I wanted to accomplish in 2016.

Here's the re-cap:

· To find adventure—  realization, life is an adventure itself, and my life is my adventure.

· To try new things—  I have and will do more in the year to come

· To go out of my comfort zone—  I did, but not as much or as far as I would have lied to

· To appreciate everyday/stay positive—  I have been trying daily to remind myself of this

· Learn new things—  I have learned a lot in therapy in 2016 and am very proud of that.

· Make dreams happen—  I'm making one happen this February and I am beyond excited!

 

When I was scrolling through my Instagram feed this week I seen an amazing post by @erinelizabethstudio, the very talented and kind girl who helped me with some rebranding for my blog in 2016! She stated she wasn't going to resolutions for 2017 but instead try to live by some of her favorite quotes.  That post lit a spark in me, I knew I wanted to, had to do it too!!

Quotes are something I love to read and gather screen shots in my phone and re-read through daily. I looked back through my favorite ones and chose only quotes that go with my values as a person. I belive quotes can really relate and speak to the values you choose to live your life by, and if you have read any of my previous posts you know I am big on values.

 

Here are the quotes I feel follow along with my values as a person and the life I want to live, I hope to keep these quotes handy and repeat hem to myself as often as needed. I also hope to incorporate them into my life in 2017 and into future years to come.

 

Thanks loves xo

 

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MISS MARRA'S PHOTOSHOOT

Morning loves

 

Today I’m sharing some of my favorite photos from my niece’s first photoshoot with local photographer: Samantha Rose Photography.

 

Who can resist looking at baby photos!? I know I can’t.

 

P.S. can you believe Christmas is this coming weekend!!!

 

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ANIMAL FOOTPRINT

I have been feeling UN inspired the last while, I have been majorly lacking on regular posts and my social media feeds. I try to not pressure myself to much to write unless I know I can get words to paper effectively.

The last two weeks have been an adventure emotionally, with celebrating my friend’s wedding, getting quality time with my friends in and my new niece to discussions with G that have been less than productive. All of these events and more have lead me to write this post.

You can learn so much by taking a few days after being upset, happy, angry to examine why you were feeling that way; what lead to it, what you were thinking and how your state of mind was at that time. By remembering each event and how you felt I think I can better understand myself. I have learned that I am starting to speak up for myself in my relationship, I may apologize after to G, if I have upset him but the fact that I even express how I am feeling is something I am proud of. I never use to, maybe I am getting stronger as a person?

I was able to be in the public eye and not let my insecurities overwhelm me, I can focus on the goals of that particular situation and move aside the shame. Even if it is for a day or part of a day, I felt stronger after being able to accomplish that event.

I felt in one day how in control I could feel and began to loosen up and actually have fun, I can’t remember the last time I had fun for just myself, my phycologist once said to me, your twenty six and you have no idea how to have fun?! She was right, but for that event I had found it, even if it was short lived. I learned I can deal with smiling and crying and being angry all in one day and know that bad days, bad weeks, bad months don’t mean I’m slipping back into a deep dark DEPRESSION. It might seem like that at the time, but I can keep moving forward encountering obstacles falling down and then getting back up and climbing up towards improvement and a better me, a better life.

The past few weeks during this emotional adventure as well as it being a habit during all emotional days, I get in the shower, turn on the water and climb in, I don’t step out until I can breathe a little slower, and it always helps.  Yesterday as I let the scalding water wash my worries away for a few moments I thought to myself? I would have never been able to get through the last few weeks as well as I did a year ago, maybe I’m getting stronger?

I finished my shower walked barefoot across my bathroom floor and when I turned around a seen one single wet footprint that looked exactly like an animal footprint, I took it as a sign and smiled, maybe just maybe I am getting the hang of this thing called life. Maybe just maybe I am getting stronger.

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IM HERE TO LISTEN

A LETTER TO G

Please know I am sorry if you felt pressure from me this week about talking with me.

Now that I reflect it makes me sad that I put any type of pressure on you, it’s unfair of me to do that. I never want to be the girl who demands things or is unreasonable, I want to be kind, supportive and loving, always.

I know that words and serious topics are something you struggle with, as I have many struggles myself and you never pressure me to move past them if I am unready, I should not have done that to you. I can sometimes get caught up in my frustrations and emotions, I am truly sorry.

I love who you are as a person and you are an amazing man, I love you very much. I don’t want to change you, and I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.

I am trying to look at the positive side, I feel like as a couple we are always learning and working together to make each other happier & better people. Looking back and reflecting on a situation that may have been difficult can make me gain a lot of prospective and for that I am grateful.

Ultimately I trust you, I trust that you love me as much as I love you, I trust you that our relationship is important to both of us and I trust our future together. I trust us.

G, whenever the words find you, I’m here to listen.

Xo

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MAKEUP UPDATE

To everyone who I have done makeup for or to anyone who has so sweetly asked me to do makeup, I thank you. It is extremely flattering that you would trust me to enhance your beauty and be a part of your special day or occasion. It truly is an honor.

I have no formal training in makeup, I do however have a huge passion for all things beauty related. I have enjoyed making all of you feel beautiful. I never thought by agreeing to do a few of my friends and families makeup that I would soon be doing grads, local photo shoots and weddings! It has been nerve racking and also very exciting and rewarding.

With all of that said, I would like to let everyone know I will no longer be doing makeup as of 2017. I have thought about this on and off the last few years. I love doing it, however it has become more of a side job than I have the time for, as well as it is becoming hard to say no.

I do believe I will miss it, however it is time to make a decision. I am choosing to no longer take makeup jobs on the side as of January 1, 2017.

For those who have booked for grad in 2017 I will honor all appointments already booked and I will open a few more spots as well.

Thank you to everyone

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MEETING MISS MARRA

MEET MISS MARRA

NOVEMBER 15, 2016  4:35 PM  9LBS 2OUNCES

MY NEW AND VERY LOVED NEICE



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JUST MY FEELING'S

This is a post I have been thinking about the last few months and meaning to write, please remember when reading this is only my opinion and you or whoever is entitled to their opinion and to disagree or agree with me.

PREGNANCY is beautiful.

PREGNANT WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL. ALL PREGNANCT WOMEN ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!

What I’ve noticed is that throughout a women’s pregnancy she often deals with comments, some are gracious and sweet and some make me shake my head in disbelief. I wonder was it always like this? Or is this something that has evolved overtime? Is no one aware other than me or even bothered by this?

If I was to see a pregnant women who was one month or on her due date I would say something like, “you look beautiful, you’re going to be a great mom”. What I’ve heard instead is: “wow you look large, you look bug, you look tired, you look done, you look puffy, you look exhausted, you look so uncomfortable, why is your bump so small, etc etc etc………

Some of the above statements may be the absolute truth but remember to choose your words wisely as they are often interpreted a different way, or can be.  When out with my sister who could have been a magazine model for pregnancy, she would get comments on when are you due? Oh wow I can tell, or I can tell your nine months as your face is very puffy, commenting on how large the bump was in relation to the baby’s weight. My sister is never phased for very long by these comments which is so admirable, however I am left wondering about them…..

Why do we as individuals feel it necessary to comment on pregnancy with such back handed comments. On a normal day walking downtown you wouldn’t comment and say to someone how big they look today or how puffy they may appear.

Think about how amazing a women’s body is and try to wrap your head around the whole concept of a growing embryo into a small human, five fingers, five toes and a cute button nose.  Pregnancy is not all sunshine and roses it can be extremely hard work and a women does not need to hear negatively disguised comments. Pregnancy is to be celebrated and not rated on a scale of how small your bump is or how large your bump is, it’s different for everyone and there is no right or wrong, the growth of your pregnancy is between you and your doctor not for someone to comment on.

I want the world to be a better, kinder place where comments come from pure love and good intentions. I want to hear comments like, you look beautiful pregnant, you carry pregnancy so well, you’ll be a great parent. These are comments are pregnant women would love to hear and should hear. They are dealing with enough growing a human inside pf them can’t we try to be a good human to them and say something kind.

These are just my observations, please note I am not speaking for all pregnant women and these are my personal feelings, my main point is as of today pregnancy is highly linked to your self-image and how you look during, when it should be about the person on the inside. We are all human, some even growing humans, when we speak, when we make comments let them come from love.

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SURPRISE PUNCH

I'm sitting in my hotel room not knowing if I should quit crying or cry more. 

What was a very long stressful nerve filled day ended with excitement or so I thought.  The only thing I dislike about knowing all of Gs body language is when I can sense when their is something he won't tell me. In the past I know I have made it hard for him to express himself without me getting upset however withholding communication is harmful to a relationship and not tolerable to me. 

The more I poke and prod the words come out, he is not in favour of a decision o have made today, one I've been contemplating for 12+ years. 

The tears fall and my cheeks burn, I loose my breath, head pounds and heart falls to the sound of my feet. My rock of a support system is it behind me. 

This is such meshing I'm doing for myself. When I use my rational brain and try and calm myself down to understand his concerns I realize they are valid concerns but the words still cut like s knife from the one I love. 

I didn't expect to encounter any obsticles because this is one of the only things I'm doing for myself. I didn't expect this from him, not now.  Not when I'm so close. Do I postpone what I want or push through without his 100% support.  

I'm left confused and worried and unsure. 

Is he right, am I right. What is right? 

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TAKING IT ALL ON

My close family and friends would agree that I often take on tasks and organize events to the fullest extent. Meaning I well….go completely overboard and past my budget. I absolutely love planning and organizing small events, especially when it comes to the décor aspect. I love scrolling Pinterest and finding creative décor ideas and planning tips and tricks, I’m seriously such a Pinterest addict! My favorite part is thinking of an overall theme or look for the event and then planning around that as my goal.

I am definitely no party planner or décor expert, but I do like to try and make each event unique and special for the person I’m hosting it for. I have done three baby showers, three wedding showers and Stagette and a few other odds and ends.

I really try and think what the personality is like of the special guest of honor. My goal is to make them feel as special as possible and have a wonderful time.

Anyone else like planning?

Due to my history in planning events I have let people walk on me, for lack of a better phrase. If other people involved in planning an event are slacking or making no effort I feel it’s my duty to step up and devote all my time and cash into making the event special, It kills me to think someone would be disappointed by their party, if I can help, even if it’s not my job or role to do so I have always stepped up. This has become a bit of a sore subject for me and G as it does add a lot of stress to my life. It’s nothing I can’t handle, however G feels I am always taking on that responsibility when it’s not mine to take and putting myself in a position to deplete my bank account and time. I have been thinking lately that he is right, I don’t need to try and make everything so perfect, as long as I try hard, there is no need to go overboard and there is also no need to take on other people’s responsibilities as my own, I need to let that go and let it be. Whatever may happen, will happen, it’s not all up to me.

Releasing control is hard, but feeling drained and worn out and UN appreciated for doing too much is harder.

You don’t need to be perfect, I don’t need to be perfect, so maybe I should stop trying to be…..

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THIS IS WHY

We (me and G) were on our way home from a belated birthday dinner for Gs’ 32^nd birthday. I like usual lately was talking about my little sister and her soon becoming a mom. I am beyond excited to snuggle that little ball of cuteness when it arrives. Back to my story though, before I ramble on a million cute adjectives for newborn babies!

G asked what I was doing on my phone while we were on our way home, he then said: “let me guess something for your sister”. Frustrating how he always knows, or maybe I’m extremely predictable. We will go with a little of both. I replied by agreeing I was trying to decide how to get her closet baby ready. He looked at me and very seriously asked the question he has asked many times before. “Why do you put so much of yourself into others like your little sister and not yourself, it bothers me to be honest”? I had explained before how I feel very protective of my family and like to make them happy and feel cherished with attention and gifts. He knows this but not the whole story, I decided to explain in depth to see if he would better understand and it would relieve his worries.

When I was growing up as a young teenager I followed suit and picked on my little sister, that’s what was done to me and others, I will never forget making my little helpless sister cry on our bus ride home one day, from that day on I stopped if it was going to cause tears from someone I loved it was not the right thing to do to follow others to be so called “cool”. From that moment on I was very protective of my little sister, I needed to be the one to watch over her and protect her not be a bully and mean sister.

When I was 14/15 years old home life was tough (divorcing/fighting parents) and me being extremely independent didn’t agree with my mother’s new boyfriend and packed my clothes and bed up and moved to an apartment with a part time job and still going to high school. I had an extremely hard time leaving my sister. I had zero worries about what I was doing for myself would be best except the guilt of leaving her in that house. I knew that I couldn’t provide for her so what was best was to let her live at home while I left. I left her in a home ravaged by divorce and anger, not the ideal place in my opinion.

If it wasn’t for my sisters strong soul it might not have turned out for the better, she leaned on her boyfriend and his family for the kind of support a teenager requires and needs. I was always there for her or I tried to be anyways, I still had and still do have a pang of guilt for not being able to help her more. Thankfully my sister is an amazing person and soon to be mommy and she has made a wonderful happy life for herself, one I am very proud of.

However the thoughts of her missing out on some of her childhood and having divorced damaged parents still leads me to try and be her protector and as G says her second mom. In a way I agree and in a way I know its UN needed as she is a strong young woman, but that doesn’t stop me. In the end I’m her sister and that word means more to me than words can explain.

I am a fixer, a worrier, a gift giver, listener, guilt obsessed person just trying to be a good sister and good person. This is why I do what I do for her.

In the end G understood why.

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REFRAIN RESTRAIN

The latest in therapy techniques might be the most “out their “of the ones I have tried to implement.

I like to think of therapy tools and techniques as sciences experiments, we discuss, we strategize, we implement. (We me and my therapist).   I try to implement different techniques into my life to help deal with my anxiety, depression, shame and guilt.

The newest tools is to deal with my body shame.

Background: at this particular therapy session we further discussed my body shame, when it comes to wearing a dress, going out to an event, being intimate, my mind goes to three stages of shame instantaneously.

First: No Don’t Do That, second: Because you’re not worth it, you’re fat, third: There Is No Point, move on and don’t do it.  SHAME AT ITS FINEST FOR ME, this is how a lot of my decisions are done.

Now to move past this way of thinking is hard as I have come to the realization I will never re-train my brain to completely think differently. I can think of the three shaming phrases that come into my head as simply words. WORDS.

This is where the tool comes in, the weird tool. I try to implement singing these words to memorable chorus’s, repeat with celebrity voices outload, after doing so several times the words become well, just words. They lose the attachment from my mind that they are my own words so they must be truth because I thought them, they just are words.

By putting this into practice it becomes my latest experiment, I’ll see if it sticks and report back at my next therapy session and from that we gather the evidence on should we tweak the tool, keep using the tool, move on to a different tool.

So for now I’m saying: “No don’t do that, because you’re not worth it, you’re fat, there is no point, move on and don’t do it”. In the voice of Donald Duck & Christopher Walken.

 

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VISITERS HIGH

Hello Loves

I had a very interesting weekend, unlike my usual Saturday Clean & Sunday Netflix and Chill days. I left for up North, Friday after work. I made a two ½ hour drive to visit a friend I knew in Elementary/Middle/High School. We had re connected through Facebook. We had messaged long letters and began texting as well. Discovering we shared may similar struggles, so similar in fact it was undeniable the connection we shared, the only weird thing was why so many years had passed and we hadn’t realized it. Life is very curious that way! Don’t you agree?

I arrived by supper time pulled up behind her awaiting white SUV. We squished each other with hugs and I felt filled with excitement. I followed her back to her beautiful new home and we sat and visited till the wee hours of the night. I rarely feel comfortable enough to stay somewhere, however I ended up staying till Sunday at almost supper time!

We are already planning my next visit to see the fall leaves up north, I couldn’t be more excited!

My visit left me high on shared emotional struggles, I drove home at peace from my demons for a few hours, which gave me a much needed break. I hope the same for her as well.

Till the next visit!

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ELEVEN RANDOM ?S

Q: When was the first time was your heart was broken, and how did it change you?
A: I was 17 and I will forever be grateful for it because it taught me how I wanted to be loved and how I didn’t.
 
Q: What are you passionate about?
A: being creative and the creative process.

Q: If you had the courage to do anything you wanted, would it change the choices you make?

A: Absolutely. I would take a lot more risks if I had more courage to block out the fear of failure.   


Q: You come home one day and your living room is filled from floor to ceiling with avocados. What do you do?
A: Guacamole, anyone? (I can’t think of a funny joke…dammit)


Q: Men are pursuers; women are gatekeepers. True or false?
A: True (although I perused my partner, someone had to step up when were both hermits)  


Q: You wake up tomorrow in the body of the opposite sex. What do you do?
A: I look over at my partner and try to see what they have seen for the last ten years.

Q: Who do you love?

A: Those who need nothing but love from me

Q: Are you afraid of flying?

A: No never! I love ascending and descending it’s such a thrill!

Q: What's the most amazing sexual experience you've ever had?

A: No AC/July/Ice Cubes…..

Q: If you had a chance to spend two weeks camping in the desert by yourself, far from any civilization, would that sound fantastic or awful to you? What about if there were one other person with you? How about five?

A: I would actually love to be by myself in seclusion, it’s something that I dream of, to have the opportunity in life to have soul “me time”. However this is not my dream scenario. I would prefer to be far away in a mind body and soul center.

Q:What do you think happens to you after you die?

A: I Hope we are all at peace, wherever whatever that may be.

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SELFISH WAYS

I have never been the person to do anything for myself, it reminds me of the Friends’ episode “The one where Phoebe hates PBS”. Phoebe is challenged by Joey that there is no such thing as a selfless good deed, I myself never believed in doing the opposite, (doing selfish deeds for myself).

I can now say I have taken a few steps in that direction and it feels amazing! I thought that if I focused on myself and not others that would make me a bad person, self-involved and well I thought it was too selfish to do so. I went against my normal thinking and booked a few appointments that I had been wanting to do for years and years and well years!

One of the first appointments was my first of many I am sure laser tattoo removal! Yes it hurt but it was and is sooo worth it! The joy and excitement I felt in my inner core of my being for doing something %100 just for me was beyond rewarding. It’s sad in a way to think I have deprived myself of doing things solely for me for so long.

I now think twice before casting any judgement on others when I hear or see them doing things like getting their hair done, nails, spray tan, surgery etc. If it is just for you and something you have thought long and hard about or something small you do monthly to treat yourself, these things are NECCSASARY! Treating myself and spoiling myself makes me feel well its silly to say but I’ll say it with honesty, it makes me feel worthy.

Strange how that works isn’t it? I didn’t think I was worth anything so why bother doing things just for myself and doing such things would be so selfish, turns out it’s the opposite, I feel worthwhile and special making myself number one.

This just might be on ongoing journey….stay tuned……….

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STICKING TO IT- TO DO IT

I know I have mentioned this a few times, but it helps to write it out and let the words be typed and saved to my blog.

My intention for starting my blog was to express myself in an open forum and let it all be public to those who may stumble across my words in hopes that it may help someone going through something similar.

I write anything I feel like it, I have an overall layout to my blog but for the first while it has just been posting mostly text posts and few beauty things here and there.

I still struggle with periods where I don’t write anything or feel as though it’s pretty silly to have the blog in comparison to other successful blogs. I have to remember why I first did this, it was to simply create. One word: CREATE.

I’m starting to feel a lot of pressure (put on by myself) to be a lot further in my goals for the blog.

My goals are (mentioned before).

• Fashion style section with photos
• Beauty posts
• Fun styled shoots
• More of my life in pictures
• Then sharing this all through beautiful pictures on my social media celebrating my blog

However I’m still not comfortable doing so, I live my life at a sloths pace so I needn’t expect my blog to change in a short amount of time. If only I could remember that every time I go to post!

I love this quote to end out this posting: “little by little you’ll get far”.

My new blogging motto!

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SKINCARE LONGTIME LOVES

Morning loves, here is in picture form my favorite long time skincare loves, my ride or die if you will.

TOP TO BOTTOM:

Origins Super Spot Remover
Purity by Philosophy Face Wash
Mario Badescu Cucumber Cleansing Lotion
Laura Mercier Face Polish
Kate Somerville Exfolicate
Josie Maron Milk & Oil
Clinique Serum
Mario Badescu Caviar Night Cream
Force De Vie
Bobbi Brown Face Cream

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SKINCARE DEETS

When people see my makeup obsession and collection its hard to convince them i am in fact more obsessed with skincare. Its a passion of mine that has become what i like to call a healthy justified obsession.

I have tried many many different brands and feel i am very picky in what makes the cut and gets re purchased as a favorite of my skincare line up.

My skin type and background: my skin is very dry (use to be extremely dry). I do experience breakouts from hormonal monthly changes and blocked pores as well as from time to time jawline texture.

My areas of concerns: premature aging, crows feet, fine lines, dark circles, breakouts, texture, skin tone

I love doing research, reading online reviews, online videos, logging onto my go to website Sephora and researching all ingredients and claims of the product in question. It's never a waste of time or money for me when you consider how important your skin is. You wear it everyday of your life, it can determine your age and play a huge role in self confidence.

Its no secret i have struggled with my confidence and self esteem as well as making myself a priority, however when it comes to my skin, i put it first. Above makeup and everything else I want to treat my skin right and by doing so hopefully it will love me back.

I am thinking of working on a few more skin care posts; ie:  long time loves, new additions, etc.

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LIGHT AND NUMB

Well i knew the day would come when I was going to have to confront the truth to my therapist about my sex life. After all its one of the biggest issues and struggles I have, I have been avoiding bringing it up to my therapist because its not easy to talk about to anyone not even in the safest of places one which i consider my therapists office.

It was in the last minutes of my appointment  it all came out and he asked the question i knew was coming for a few visits know. It was uncomfortable and full of shame, however i felt light after revealing everything and every struggle i am going through. Being completely open and honest allows for improvement and change both things i'm desperate for. I left the appointment feeling hopeful and yet numb from tip to toe.

One foot in front of the other, one numb foot after the other. Music so loud to it could deafen, my numb toes pressing the gas pedal, i began the drive home. The drive home knowing it was all out in the open. Will it get better, will i overcome these struggles, all i know is i need to try, i want to try, i have to try.

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TWO EASY SENTENCES

You'll end up real disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you."

I need to do for myself what I do for others, i expect what i give to others to return to me, in fact i need to love myself first and treat myself to as much attention and care as i do to others. Two easy sentences may equal one huge life change.

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ONE NOW TWO

After years and well...more years of dealing and battling depression I knew it had took a toll on my partner. I have always felt guilty for what I have put him through and still do to this day. He has never complained only tried to keep being as supportive as possible.

The last few months I have noticed a change in his mood, he is recently going through a lot of life changes and I attributed it to exactly that. It surprises me that i never noticed what was really going on, he is depressed.

I never thought that this would happen I feel so ashamed that i haven't been paying attention enough to him and didn't notice it sooner, but this is not about me its about him.

Having your partner depressed leaves the most unsettling feeling I've experienced. I feel helpless and lack of a better word...sad for him.

We have talked about it and decided he needed to seek help in whatever form is needed. I would like to keep details of his struggle with depression private. I just wanted to share that its a feeling hard to type out when your partner is depressed, i thought having it myself i wouldn't be affected and would know exactly how it would feel, i was wrong. I feel helpless and worried. Me and G have been through hell and back and this is another hurtle to go through hand in hand and come out the other side; stronger, happier and mentally more stable than ever before. This situation is less than ideal, the fact that we both are struggling with depression scares me for our relationship, but just proves we are never alone in our struggles. Me and G need each other more than ever.

I need to remember to work on my relationship just as much and perhaps as badly as i need to work on myself. With hard work comes rewards. Lets work. 

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GOAL 30/THIRTY

Twenty seven down and less than three to go till thirty!

The perfect age to make a wish and goal come true, what is yours?

For G's 30th birthday I surprised him with a trip to Viva Las Vegas with our best friends, (a place he had been wanting to go) its a trip he talks about monthly and I am so happy we went and he has special memories to remember this special time in life.

Since our trip in September 2015, I have tried to come up with a location or activity that I wanted to do to celebrate my 30th year in life. I have gone back and fourth with a meaningful trip to Ireland to connect with my Irish roots. Or should i dip my feet in the ocean on a beautiful beach in Jamaica or Hawaii. With so many beautiful beaches and destinations i felt overwhelmed trying to pick the right one. I felt the need to pre-pick as I wanted plenty of time save for the vacation.

I decided to ask myself what I wanted out of this vacation and how I wanted to feel while their, this is for me and I want to enjoy and cherish every minute of it.

While scrolling through Instagram a few weeks ago I noticed stunning photos of  Amalfi Coast - Positano Italy, such mesmerizing beauty, i felt a calm wash over me each time i looked at a picture from this breathtaking place. I never feel as though i can slow my breath living with anxiety but when i look at pictures of those places i feel relaxed and calm like my whole body deeply breathing. I now know exactly where i want to go for my 30th birthday. It may be a very long flight, it may be very pricey, but for me this is what i want, this is what i need. I'm going to make it happen.

Italy or bust!!
xo

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DREAMS CRAZY DREAMS

I have always tried to contain my dreams and wishes in a very realistic attainable fashion. While this is practical and keeps things easy and simple and fear of failure at bay, it stifles my creativity and puts a limit on your mind.
I've realized i don't want to have a limit on my mind, what is the fun in that? No fun..that's what it is. I'm going to take the first step and write out my dreams as crazy as they are in a this blog post.....writing them is almost as nerve racking as saying them out loud and not adding....I know their just dreams i wont accomplish them. I'm taking those words out and just writing...just dreaming. Everyone has the right to dream as wildly and free as humanly possible.

Dreams Crazy Dreams:

I would love for my blog to have helped someone, anyone, just one would be amazing
I would love to look back and think i have had a passion and talent for writing
I dream one day i will be brave enough to show my blog to family and friends
I dream one day to sit in a bikini by the water and be focused on that moment not the way my body looks
I dream of a job working at home, being my own boss or working for a company setting my own schedule
I dream of travelling, Ireland, Hawaii, Italy, O.C., and beautiful beaches everywhere.
I dream of being in control of how my mind thinks about me and loving myself
I dream of feeling good in my body, healthy and capable
I dream of a healthy intimate relationship with the man i love
I dream of the day i love myself enough to pledge my commitment and love to someone else in marriage
I dream of the day when i feel purposeful and have made a life worth living
I dream of being selfless and remembering to do things for myself
I dream of being successful in a creative blogging field
I dream of one day being able to drive a motor bike
I dream of having amazing photos taken of me and G, ones we love to display
I dream of doing a goofy photo shoot to show me and Gs playful sides
I dream of doing a personal photo shoot just for G ;)

Dream madly in all that you do for their is no limitations on dreaming except the ones you put on yourself.

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