ANIMAL FOOTPRINT

I have been feeling UN inspired the last while, I have been majorly lacking on regular posts and my social media feeds. I try to not pressure myself to much to write unless I know I can get words to paper effectively.

The last two weeks have been an adventure emotionally, with celebrating my friend’s wedding, getting quality time with my friends in and my new niece to discussions with G that have been less than productive. All of these events and more have lead me to write this post.

You can learn so much by taking a few days after being upset, happy, angry to examine why you were feeling that way; what lead to it, what you were thinking and how your state of mind was at that time. By remembering each event and how you felt I think I can better understand myself. I have learned that I am starting to speak up for myself in my relationship, I may apologize after to G, if I have upset him but the fact that I even express how I am feeling is something I am proud of. I never use to, maybe I am getting stronger as a person?

I was able to be in the public eye and not let my insecurities overwhelm me, I can focus on the goals of that particular situation and move aside the shame. Even if it is for a day or part of a day, I felt stronger after being able to accomplish that event.

I felt in one day how in control I could feel and began to loosen up and actually have fun, I can’t remember the last time I had fun for just myself, my phycologist once said to me, your twenty six and you have no idea how to have fun?! She was right, but for that event I had found it, even if it was short lived. I learned I can deal with smiling and crying and being angry all in one day and know that bad days, bad weeks, bad months don’t mean I’m slipping back into a deep dark DEPRESSION. It might seem like that at the time, but I can keep moving forward encountering obstacles falling down and then getting back up and climbing up towards improvement and a better me, a better life.

The past few weeks during this emotional adventure as well as it being a habit during all emotional days, I get in the shower, turn on the water and climb in, I don’t step out until I can breathe a little slower, and it always helps.  Yesterday as I let the scalding water wash my worries away for a few moments I thought to myself? I would have never been able to get through the last few weeks as well as I did a year ago, maybe I’m getting stronger?

I finished my shower walked barefoot across my bathroom floor and when I turned around a seen one single wet footprint that looked exactly like an animal footprint, I took it as a sign and smiled, maybe just maybe I am getting the hang of this thing called life. Maybe just maybe I am getting stronger.