G asked what I was doing on my
phone while we were on our way home, he then said: “let me guess something for
your sister”. Frustrating how he always knows, or maybe I’m extremely predictable.
We will go with a little of both. I replied by agreeing I was trying to decide
how to get her closet baby ready. He looked at me and very seriously asked the
question he has asked many times before. “Why do you put so much of yourself
into others like your little sister and not yourself, it bothers me to be
honest”? I had explained before how I feel very protective of my family and
like to make them happy and feel cherished with attention and gifts. He knows
this but not the whole story, I decided to explain in depth to see if he would
better understand and it would relieve his worries.
When I was growing up as a young
teenager I followed suit and picked on my little sister, that’s what was done
to me and others, I will never forget making my little helpless sister cry on
our bus ride home one day, from that day on I stopped if it was going to cause
tears from someone I loved it was not the right thing to do to follow others to
be so called “cool”. From that moment on I was very protective of my little
sister, I needed to be the one to watch over her and protect her not be a bully
and mean sister.
When I was 14/15 years old home life
was tough (divorcing/fighting parents) and me being extremely independent didn’t
agree with my mother’s new boyfriend and packed my clothes and bed up and moved
to an apartment with a part time job and still going to high school. I had an extremely
hard time leaving my sister. I had zero worries about what I was doing for myself
would be best except the guilt of leaving her in that house. I knew that I couldn’t
provide for her so what was best was to let her live at home while I left. I
left her in a home ravaged by divorce and anger, not the ideal place in my
opinion.
If it wasn’t for my sisters
strong soul it might not have turned out for the better, she leaned on her
boyfriend and his family for the kind of support a teenager requires and needs.
I was always there for her or I tried to be anyways, I still had and still do
have a pang of guilt for not being able to help her more. Thankfully my sister
is an amazing person and soon to be mommy and she has made a wonderful happy
life for herself, one I am very proud of.
However the thoughts of her
missing out on some of her childhood and having divorced damaged parents still
leads me to try and be her protector and as G says her second mom. In a way I
agree and in a way I know its UN needed as she is a strong young woman, but
that doesn’t stop me. In the end I’m her sister and that word means more to me
than words can explain.
I am a fixer, a worrier, a gift
giver, listener, guilt obsessed person just trying to be a good sister and good
person. This is why I do what I do for her.
In the end G understood why.
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