Disclaimer:
to put my mind at ease I wanted to add this disclaimer to all of my “over
sharing circle posts”. There will be five in total in the series. These
subjects will be detailed and personal and if you’re not comfortable with them,
please avoid reading them, as I don’t want to offend anyone. I plan on writing
about these subjects and touching on them many times in my future posts, but
will be going into personal depth in this series and feel the disclaimer
necessary. These subjects will all circle back and intertwine with each other,
hence: “circle posts”.
POST TWO: ANXIETY
I am a newbie and still learning about my anxiety disorder.
I am still in the process of understanding it and what my triggers are and how
I can better deal with and handle my anxiety.
I never knew I had an anxiety disorder until I went to a
physiatrist this year, I always thought you had to have massive panic attacks
in order to have high anxiety or an anxiety disorder. Many people do suffer
with this however I have had many small panic attacks but nothing that stopped
my life.
It makes so much sense as I was explained the things I do
and my decision making process and my level of worrying.
I have a hard time making a decision and when I do make one
I struggle with worrying that it was the wrong one and the what “ifs”.
I am constantly worrying and realized that is due to my
anxiety.
My need for control over my life from my anxiety also lead
to my anorexia and then to my binge eating to comfort my feelings of anxiety.
The last few years I have had a stressful time at work and with depression and
weight gain and anxiety that made me binge eat to deal with it, it’s been a
downhill losing battle.
Now I can tell I binge eat when I feel my anxiety rise. I
haven’t stopped this behaviour but I am aware of it and know I need to work on
it to stop it.
I will be working on handling it in a proper way with my
physiatrist and therapist. So far I have learned that when making a decision I
need to weight out the consequences and tell myself the world or my life will
move on despite if I make the wrong choice, making one will get me closer to my
goal even if it’s the wrong one to start, it’s better than staying in limbo
mode. I have learned that exercising is the best medicine for controlling
anxiety and feeling in control. I have not yet started on a regular basis but
do go on walks with friends and now golf a few times a week. I hope to improve
on this slowly and surely to better my mind, body and over all wellbeing.
I have been doing well with the advice from my physiatrist
when it comes to her wanting to do things that make me happy and doing things
that are fun and enjoy being young. She mentioned I don’t live a fun life and
don’t know how to have fun. It’s true and so sad, somewhat strange to say as
well. What person doesn’t know what fun is? ME!
So I started this blog, started writing, started a goal
list, made myself a home office and space I like to be in, told myself I love
to watch movies and go to movies, so I started going with a friend. Started
trying to put my needs first, quit my job and am currently looking for
something new. It’s not much but it’s a start. I am also trying to be a
positive person and have a positive outlook and be grateful for the small
things in life and all that I do have.
A great role model in the internet world is Tanya Burr a You
Tube Vlogger her blog here as well: www.tanyaburr.co.uk,
she has also written a book: Love Tanya, It tells how she keeps up her positive
outlook on her life while still dealing with her anxiety. Also includes her
makeup and beauty life.
I am looking forward to doing things for myself and focusing
on me for once and seeing the change that it will bring, being aware of my
anxiety makes things clearer and I only hope to improve from here.
If you suffer from anxiety and have any helpful suggestions
please let me know as I would love to hear them and what you have to say.
Thanks for stopping by my loves
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