STEPPING OUT

I pushed past my anxiety the beginning of this month and made a choice to go out of my comfort zone for a new experience and because I knew it was the right thing to do.

I decided to travel eight hours to visit a friend and celebrate with her for a special occasion. I never travel with people I don’t know and rarely travel without close friends or loved ones to feel at ease with.

I knew I wanted to be there for my friend and put my issues with meeting new people and feeling uncomfortable aside to be there for her. The trip went well and the new crowd I met were a great group of girls, all gorgeous, sweet, and super spunky & fun!

I had high hopes for myself to let loose of my super controlled behaviours and be able to relax and socialize and get to know everyone. That was not the case, I felt very uncomfortable to 100% of my own doing and shut down, and I became the silent girl sitting in the corner afraid of what to say. I snuck away to the corner of my friends beautiful house just outside a more beautiful lake and curled up in my bed. It was all so overwhelming I felt like a failure and was disappointed I had made the choice to travel eight hours but them not be ready to socialize or feel comfortable. I felt so shamed of how I looked comparing my body to everyone’s and put myself into a dark mind set.

I can easily slip into black holes, I feel there is a path in my life I just can’t see through the fog and with every right step I take the next is into a black hole I need to overcome and get over and try and find the next right step.

I wasn’t ready to push myself that far, I took the first step to make it there, I can only work on myself to better the next time I push myself. I am trying to stay positive and congratulate myself on what I did accomplish VS what I didn’t. I have to remind myself not to dwell on what I wasn’t able to do and what I wasn’t comfortable with….. That’s not the right mind set.

Although I feel as though I failed in most parts of the experience I do feel like I now know what I really need to work on to better the next time I’m in a similar situation.

I believe this year is my year of changes although they may be micro changes at a snail’s pace, I hope I am on the right road and this will lead me to bliss and happiness.

I felt as I traveled back the long eight hour drive that it was meant to be, I didn’t accomplish a successful time socializing, however I had a very strong feeling that I was supposed to have done this as a learning experience and to pick up any little lessons along the way I needed. Like Hansel & Gretel’s trail of bread crumbs, I believe this to be the right path and accept my intuition as clues (bread crumbs) that I am on the right path in life.

Life’s path: find your gift, share your gift, the purpose of life and all its happiness.

 

Thanks for stopping by my loves