REAL LIFE REALIZATIONS

I have done a few of these posts and I feel like this one might be super cliché, so if your not into a good cliché you might want to skip ahead to another post......

Real Life Realization: Money just aint everything in life.....

I had a high paying high responsibility job with room for advancement in both income and ladder ranking. I thought that it was important to work very hard even if you hated the work because the money I earned made my life a lot easier in many aspects. I felt accomplished and responsible like I was a true adult. However as I've typed in many of my latest bog postings, I was miserable and left my job. Not to say their is anything wrong with the job itself or anyone in a position of great wealth and responsibility and power, if you like or are lucky enough to love what you do, that's amazing.

The people that have jobs or status or wealth should be of their choosing, what I mean is if they are happy doing it than that works great. For me I realized making money was amazing to afford all my bills and be able to save a great deal, but still I am a creative soul and I cant feel trapped in the confines of restrictions it doesn't make the money worth it for me.

Id rather make less, do less and be more myself.

And......you know what that's okay.

Life is so short, and unpredictable so if you want to work as a clown, a gardener a florist, a lawyer, judge, etc. Do what you want to do, you might not be able to be rich or famous or maybe you will, I truly don't know what job is best for you or even myself as of yet. I have realized that for me enjoying what I do for a living is more important than status or money. That's just me and that's okay.

Read More »

ROLLER COASTER

I love having a unexpected and eye openly productive therapy session. It happens when I least expect it. Usually when I'm not looking forward to a therapy session because I feel like I've done nothing to progress or even regressed. I have been told I can be very hard on myself so sometimes I get down and feel low and its harder to get to a therapy appointment. However I can honestly say I have never regretted going, I always feel better. Every. Time. 

At one of my last therapy appointments where I made the one hour drive thinking I didn't know what we would talk about as I was feeling down and depressed and was forcing myself to go. During my appointment my therapist talked about this eye opening analogy that really reignited with me.  I love analogies and especially when I can vividly see them play out as a story in my mind.

My therapist said when you have low or bad days, weeks, months its going to happen no matter what. From the lows you will rise and have good days, weeks or even months and then the cycle will repeat itself. To remind myself that on the low days I shouldn't feel as though I'm slipping back into my deep dark cave of depression I was in before entering therapy. The low or bad days will pass and then you will have good days, to him life can be compared to a roller-coaster. I've heard this before so I asked, how so?

Life is like a roller-coaster you are strapped into your seat (your seats your individual life). The rollercoaster will go up slowly and rise to a peak (a great point in life that you have worked towards) sometimes you'll get there with more or less momentum. You may stay at the top for a brief period or maybe a certain period of time in your life, their will always be bad days, that's the rollercoaster going down. Sometimes the roller-coaster will plunge fast and hard, we may need help from family or professionals to work towards climbing back up, some falls may just be very temporary and we are back up. Just because the roller-coaster goes down doesn't mean we will stay down. Life is unpredictable in the way we can't map out the ups and downs but we can predict that we will always rise and fall just like a roller-coaster.

So if we know and try to remember this analogy, we can tell our selves during life's lows and hard times that it will get better, it wont be easy and without work but it will get better, so lets strap our selves in and hang on tough to this thing called life.

May your roller-coaster of life have many more ups than downs.  xo

Read More »

IS THAT POSSIBLE OR PLAUSIBLE

While sitting at home, pretty much mothering my kitten and watching Netflix, lets be real here. I brain stormed ideas on what I could do for a possible job sin the future.

Ideas I had:

Cat Mom............Income........$0-0 dollars. Well that was a big nope.

Professional Aunty.......yah no such thing, also pays zilch.

Nanny for my sisters.......they didn't ask so I don't think that would have been an option.

Day Home... honestly sounds exhausting trying to keep my house tidy behind lil ones.

Work at the Clinic/Hospital.....Not for me (I just knew deep down) I always trust my instincts.

Working at a School...valid option I love children and think it be super fun.....

Event Planner, seriously considered this option however it wasn't financially plausible to me.

Business Venture with my sister (needed to plan over a few years) Top Secret..Shhhh....

That was as far as my brain storming went.....

Read More »

WELL WHAT NOW

With my last day of work being the May long weekend we were just starting to feel some warmth from spring and soon summer days would be shining.

I got many questions after leaving my job and not pursuing immediate employment. Such as; are you taking the summer off? What are you doing now? What are you going to do now? My answer was simple and always the same for the first two months of my time off, which was, I'm taking a break and I don't know what ill do or when ill do it, I'm enjoying some time to myself. This statement was true I really enjoyed my first month off, being a cat mom and sleeping in, taking naps, having coffee breaks outside and visiting with friends and family whenever I pleased. I didn't get a lot accomplished in a day which I didn't mind my first month off.

My second month off in July I felt guilty like I should be getting a lot more done, like this huge to do list in my head, clean out every drawer in the house, scrub the walls, dust the baseboards, organize every cupboard, paint walls...etc. All things that needed to be done, but I just procrastinated on them all, I would do my daily cleaning and errands, then that's about it if I'm being honest. I thought being off work I would have tons and tons of willpower and ambition, which turned out not to be the case at all. So id like to say I got so many things done but that's not the truth. I truly just rested my mind from anxiety and stress.

Towards the end of the second month going into the third month off I felt a lot more guilt about being home and not being productive, I wasn't getting closer to any goals, I wasn't eating any better, an I also took a break from blogging during my time off. I'm not sure why that is, I just didn't do anything. I have a friend that helped me feel less guilty about being a couch potato, said, "your body and mind needs to do nothing, and that's okay'.

The third month started and I knew I would love to stay off work and enjoy the fall season, drink lattes outside crunching leaves beneath my shoes on a crisp morning walk. I could envision baking and decorating for Christmas and watching movies and feeling as cozy as possible. I would still love that to be the case but I was lucky enough to have three months off as a break and I felt to guilty for taking longer. I made the choice that if a good opportunity came in along the way from September to December I would take it. I'm not sure if you should let guilt make your decisions, however I didn't for see me getting a lot done with taking more time off which didn't seem fair to my partner, he was helping with my share of the bills while I took a break. He was and is very supportive, I definitely put and created the guilt on myself. 

So that was my three month break in a nut shell. I quit my job and had no idea what I was going to do or when I was going to do it, I ended up having three months to distress. Then an opportunity became available.........

Read More »

MISS MELLOW MONTAGE

More Mellow photos because well I'm obsessed and annoying like that...

Read More »

MUCH NEEDED BREAK

May 20, 2017 was my first day off from working.

Insert clip from the movie: The Rescuer's Down Under I'm Free (Frank)

Im Free Im Free

Read More »

TIME OF NOTICE

My last two weeks of work at my job were sad, I felt so guilty for quitting, I somewhat felt like a failure for it not working out. I don't like disappointing people, it makes me so uncomfortable that someone put time into training and everything and then just like that you leave. I had to remind myself that this is life, employees leave, employers find replacements. I knew I was leaving a great opportunity and cushy income, however their was a better person out their who needed a job and would appreciate and be a better fit than me, so why not give them a chance, it could be the perfect fit then me staying and being in happy and in healthy.

In my last week at work their were several circumstances that cemented my decision to leave, at the end of my two weeks I no longer felt guilty, I felt empowered that I had made a huge decision just for me. I put others before me almost 100 percent of the time, so this was for me and I was proud.

A few days later I celebrated being jobless by picking up my little fluff ball Miss Mellow.

  

Read More »

TAKE A WEEK TO THINK IT OVER

This post and many others are long over due, so I am going to play catch up and try to get my act together and start from the month of April till now. Yeesh that's a long time, here it goes.

April 25, 2017 my sister made me birthday supper and my family came out to eat and visit. On the way back to town (35 minute drive) I began to feel my chest tighten and tears forming and thinking I could have a full blown anxiety attack (just because I was getting closer to my office), luckily if I'm driving it seems to calm me and I can keep it together. G looked at me and spoke with such insight, it blindsided me, yet at the same time I couldn't believe I couldn't see it, after all it was right in front of me.

What am I rambling on about? G, said: "you are miserable at your job and it is affecting your life and our relationship, you have so much anxiety even driving back to town knowing you have to work tomorrow, you only seem happy while away from work. You come home from work each day and go to sleep. You sleep to forget the negative day and to stop yourself from thinking about it. If your not sleeping you are emotionally eating to provide yourself some happiness, both of these things are taking a direct affect on our relationship and your life. I want you to take some time and seriously consider quitting your job. You need to have a mental health break. You can take a break for however long of a period you need and ill support you".

It hit me so hard, I never really let people's advice sink in, this advise was so heartfelt I couldn't ignore it. Years before I had mentioned to G, I wanted to take a break from working but he wasn't supportive at the time, now he said he was. This is something I have dreamed of doing. So why was I so scared to even consider the idea. The words, "I need you to seriously consider this" stuck in my head though. I took a week and did exactly that, I seriously thought about each thing he said and how I was feeling at work. I talked to a close friend (see Up North Post). I knew on my drive back home from that trip that my decision was to leave my job. It wasn't right for me just as much as I wasn't a good fit for it either. It wasn't easy to decide to leave. It is a secure and great paying job with opportunities to move up. I had to decide it wasn't about the money.....it was about me. I had to do this. I gave my notice that week, my last day was May 20, 2017.

Read More »

MOTIVATION ON A MONDAY

Motivation on a Monday

Self Love

Read More »

MISS MELLOW MONTAGE

Yes. I'm. Obsessed.

Read More »