Anyone else out there have a realization in the
middle of doing daily chores? For me it’s a regular occurrence. This morning I
was sweeping my kitchen and deep in my own thoughts swishing around my mind and
I realized, the thoughts were not mine at all, I mean yes it was my mind
thinking and producing them, but when I stopped to think about the thoughts
they had someone else voice attached to them. To be honest I had noticed
this before but hadn't gave it much time for fear of what it meant.
I hear Gs voice sometimes, as I forget a
light on or I walk past crumbs on the floor, I let his voice narrate all of the
worries I associate with him, by that I mean I worry I'm too lazy and
don't keep up you cleaning the house to his desires, slack on cooking. We are
our own worst critics I boost that and make it even more intense by hearing
Garett's voice narrate, I never want to disappoint my loved ones and I think I
create the ultimate monster to bear down on me and make sure I'm well aware of
all of my worries, like its saying to me, "don't ignore me, I'm the one
who keeps you from risk of failure".
I'm not sure how much of this is making sense,
I'm feeling kind of lost to the structure of writing this post, and usually I
really try to make my thoughts clear in my writing.
Basically not only am I my own worst enemy I use
the voices of my loved ones to critique myself and make myself even harder on
myself.
I need to remind myself that my mind loves to in
any way in any voice send out thoughts of what it thinks protect myself, but in
actuality from therapy I have learned they don't protect me in the way that
helps my mental journey evolve and become healthy and self-loving. I will try
to be more aware of not only my mind thinking these thoughts but my mind using
my loved ones against me to place unwanted guilt or negativity on my day and
life.
Anyone else experience this?
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