BREAKING MY STREAK

Just typing this post increases my heartbeat and makes me anxious, just over a week ago I had a panic attack. I have had them in the past and they are paralyzing and extremely unpleasant. I hadn’t had one in over a year in a half which I was very proud of, but just like that my streak was gone.

Looking back it reminds me of watching the show “Mayday” (now in no way am I comparing what happens on that show to my life) simply just that they always explain that accidents are always caused by a series of events not just one event. That is how I feel a panic attack can occur. After it is over I can look back and see the series of events like stacked dominos lined up, the first one falls then another and another, then all of them are down and so am I.

A panic attack for me feels like I am frozen in fear, but at the same time my brain and heart are racing like the Daytona 500. I feel trapped and out of control all at the same time. In the past I’ve had panic attacks usually at home or in malls (one of my big triggers) however this last one was while driving. I felt safe still driving but couldn’t stop to put my vehicle in park, I thought driving was the only control I had, I ended up driving around for almost an hour and ended up at my sister’s house, the only place I could think of that might calm me and help ease my panic.

I never like to take help or bother anyone with my problems it makes me feel needy, but there was a small voice coming through while having my panic attack that said, you need your sister, it’ll help, it’s okay to ask for help. It was right as instincts usually are. I talked with my sister, visited and help my niece. I felt better after a few hours and headed home to have a hot shower and sleep, hoping tomorrow would be better.  

The reason for my post is that, maybe we are never truly healed or overcome anxiety, depression or panic attacks (all things I battle with) but maybe we learn to cope. Some days are great other’s not so much. I think remembering past panic attacks, I think I handled this last one better and I know that’s because of my work in therapy. The days after have been hard and not the best days but I can feel myself pushing forward, my fears of falling down into a deep dark whole of depression are just that, fears. NOT reality, at least not today. Fears are normal, I can’t get rid of them but I can choose to believe how truthful they are when it comes to my reality.

I can get through a really bad day, so can you. Don’t be afraid to seek help or ask a friend or family member. You don’t have to do this alone, easier said than done I know, but I’m working on it. …..