Friday, January 13, 2017

THE SEED OF MAYBE

The last few sessions with my therapist have been going great, I have developed a trust and peace with my therapist over the past year that has allowed me to let down my walls and be completely open up and be honest.

My last few sessions have focused on Self Compassion, what it is and how it can help, I have written about this before, but feel it necessary to somewhat repeat myself to ensure I am on the right path forward.

Self-Compassion:

Self-kindness vs. Self-judgment. Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.

I struggle with being very hard on myself so the thought of being kind to myself was almost impossible, I know that’s totally bazar to say but it’s the truth. Noticed….I said almost impossible, I have found a way to let myself be kind towards me and it all starts with the word maybe. For me this word has proven to be such a useful tool. When I think of something kind in order for me to not immediately dismiss the though/idea I insert the word maybe. It allows me to pause the kind thought I have towards myself and contemplate it thinking…..well maybe, just maybe it can be true. The more I stop to think maybe, the more it enters my mind and becomes a part of my daily thought pattern, almost disrupting my usual negative and self-shaming thoughts and replacing just brief moments with well maybe…I am a good person, well maybe I am trying hard, well maybe I am improving, well maybe I will succeed.

This tool and word “maybe” is like a metaphorical seed, the more I think maybe, the more positive self-compassionate thoughts I let in, they attach and grow inside me like a seed growing its vines into a plant.  I hope that plant keeps growing, the vines moving out the shame and replacing it with self-compassion.


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