Wednesday, September 20, 2017

WELL WHAT NOW

With my last day of work being the May long weekend we were just starting to feel some warmth from spring and soon summer days would be shining.

I got many questions after leaving my job and not pursuing immediate employment. Such as; are you taking the summer off? What are you doing now? What are you going to do now? My answer was simple and always the same for the first two months of my time off, which was, I'm taking a break and I don't know what ill do or when ill do it, I'm enjoying some time to myself. This statement was true I really enjoyed my first month off, being a cat mom and sleeping in, taking naps, having coffee breaks outside and visiting with friends and family whenever I pleased. I didn't get a lot accomplished in a day which I didn't mind my first month off.

My second month off in July I felt guilty like I should be getting a lot more done, like this huge to do list in my head, clean out every drawer in the house, scrub the walls, dust the baseboards, organize every cupboard, paint walls...etc. All things that needed to be done, but I just procrastinated on them all, I would do my daily cleaning and errands, then that's about it if I'm being honest. I thought being off work I would have tons and tons of willpower and ambition, which turned out not to be the case at all. So id like to say I got so many things done but that's not the truth. I truly just rested my mind from anxiety and stress.

Towards the end of the second month going into the third month off I felt a lot more guilt about being home and not being productive, I wasn't getting closer to any goals, I wasn't eating any better, an I also took a break from blogging during my time off. I'm not sure why that is, I just didn't do anything. I have a friend that helped me feel less guilty about being a couch potato, said, "your body and mind needs to do nothing, and that's okay'.

The third month started and I knew I would love to stay off work and enjoy the fall season, drink lattes outside crunching leaves beneath my shoes on a crisp morning walk. I could envision baking and decorating for Christmas and watching movies and feeling as cozy as possible. I would still love that to be the case but I was lucky enough to have three months off as a break and I felt to guilty for taking longer. I made the choice that if a good opportunity came in along the way from September to December I would take it. I'm not sure if you should let guilt make your decisions, however I didn't for see me getting a lot done with taking more time off which didn't seem fair to my partner, he was helping with my share of the bills while I took a break. He was and is very supportive, I definitely put and created the guilt on myself. 

So that was my three month break in a nut shell. I quit my job and had no idea what I was going to do or when I was going to do it, I ended up having three months to distress. Then an opportunity became available.........


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Monday, September 18, 2017

MISS MELLOW MONTAGE

More Mellow photos because well I'm obsessed and annoying like that...









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Friday, September 15, 2017

MUCH NEEDED BREAK

May 20, 2017 was my first day off from working.

Insert clip from the movie: The Rescuer's Down Under I'm Free (Frank)





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Wednesday, September 13, 2017

TIME OF NOTICE

My last two weeks of work at my job were sad, I felt so guilty for quitting, I somewhat felt like a failure for it not working out. I don't like disappointing people, it makes me so uncomfortable that someone put time into training and everything and then just like that you leave. I had to remind myself that this is life, employees leave, employers find replacements. I knew I was leaving a great opportunity and cushy income, however their was a better person out their who needed a job and would appreciate and be a better fit than me, so why not give them a chance, it could be the perfect fit then me staying and being in happy and in healthy.

In my last week at work their were several circumstances that cemented my decision to leave, at the end of my two weeks I no longer felt guilty, I felt empowered that I had made a huge decision just for me. I put others before me almost 100 percent of the time, so this was for me and I was proud.

A few days later I celebrated being jobless by picking up my little fluff ball Miss Mellow.

  
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Monday, September 11, 2017

TAKE A WEEK TO THINK IT OVER

This post and many others are long over due, so I am going to play catch up and try to get my act together and start from the month of April till now. Yeesh that's a long time, here it goes.

April 25, 2017 my sister made me birthday supper and my family came out to eat and visit. On the way back to town (35 minute drive) I began to feel my chest tighten and tears forming and thinking I could have a full blown anxiety attack (just because I was getting closer to my office), luckily if I'm driving it seems to calm me and I can keep it together. G looked at me and spoke with such insight, it blindsided me, yet at the same time I couldn't believe I couldn't see it, after all it was right in front of me.

What am I rambling on about? G, said: "you are miserable at your job and it is affecting your life and our relationship, you have so much anxiety even driving back to town knowing you have to work tomorrow, you only seem happy while away from work. You come home from work each day and go to sleep. You sleep to forget the negative day and to stop yourself from thinking about it. If your not sleeping you are emotionally eating to provide yourself some happiness, both of these things are taking a direct affect on our relationship and your life. I want you to take some time and seriously consider quitting your job. You need to have a mental health break. You can take a break for however long of a period you need and ill support you".

It hit me so hard, I never really let people's advice sink in, this advise was so heartfelt I couldn't ignore it. Years before I had mentioned to G, I wanted to take a break from working but he wasn't supportive at the time, now he said he was. This is something I have dreamed of doing. So why was I so scared to even consider the idea. The words, "I need you to seriously consider this" stuck in my head though. I took a week and did exactly that, I seriously thought about each thing he said and how I was feeling at work. I talked to a close friend (see Up North Post). I knew on my drive back home from that trip that my decision was to leave my job. It wasn't right for me just as much as I wasn't a good fit for it either. It wasn't easy to decide to leave. It is a secure and great paying job with opportunities to move up. I had to decide it wasn't about the money.....it was about me. I had to do this. I gave my notice that week, my last day was May 20, 2017.



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Monday, September 04, 2017

MOTIVATION ON A MONDAY

Motivation on a Monday
Self Love











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MISS MELLOW MONTAGE

Yes. I'm. Obsessed.








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