This post and many others are long over due, so I am going to play catch up and try to get my act together and start from the month of April till now. Yeesh that's a long time, here it goes.
April 25, 2017 my sister made me birthday supper and my family came out to eat and visit. On the way back to town (35 minute drive) I began to feel my chest tighten and tears forming and thinking I could have a full blown anxiety attack (just because I was getting closer to my office), luckily if I'm driving it seems to calm me and I can keep it together. G looked at me and spoke with such insight, it blindsided me, yet at the same time I couldn't believe I couldn't see it, after all it was right in front of me.
What am I rambling on about? G, said: "you are miserable at your job and it is affecting your life and our relationship, you have so much anxiety even driving back to town knowing you have to work tomorrow, you only seem happy while away from work. You come home from work each day and go to sleep. You sleep to forget the negative day and to stop yourself from thinking about it. If your not sleeping you are emotionally eating to provide yourself some happiness, both of these things are taking a direct affect on our relationship and your life. I want you to take some time and seriously consider quitting your job. You need to have a mental health break. You can take a break for however long of a period you need and ill support you".
It hit me so hard, I never really let people's advice sink in, this advise was so heartfelt I couldn't ignore it. Years before I had mentioned to G, I wanted to take a break from working but he wasn't supportive at the time, now he said he was. This is something I have dreamed of doing. So why was I so scared to even consider the idea. The words, "I need you to seriously consider this" stuck in my head though. I took a week and did exactly that, I seriously thought about each thing he said and how I was feeling at work. I talked to a close friend (see Up North Post). I knew on my drive back home from that trip that my decision was to leave my job. It wasn't right for me just as much as I wasn't a good fit for it either. It wasn't easy to decide to leave. It is a secure and great paying job with opportunities to move up. I had to decide it wasn't about the money.....it was about me. I had to do this. I gave my notice that week, my last day was May 20, 2017.
