SELFISH WAYS

I have never been the person to do anything for myself, it reminds me of the Friends’ episode “The one where Phoebe hates PBS”. Phoebe is challenged by Joey that there is no such thing as a selfless good deed, I myself never believed in doing the opposite, (doing selfish deeds for myself).

I can now say I have taken a few steps in that direction and it feels amazing! I thought that if I focused on myself and not others that would make me a bad person, self-involved and well I thought it was too selfish to do so. I went against my normal thinking and booked a few appointments that I had been wanting to do for years and years and well years!

One of the first appointments was my first of many I am sure laser tattoo removal! Yes it hurt but it was and is sooo worth it! The joy and excitement I felt in my inner core of my being for doing something %100 just for me was beyond rewarding. It’s sad in a way to think I have deprived myself of doing things solely for me for so long.

I now think twice before casting any judgement on others when I hear or see them doing things like getting their hair done, nails, spray tan, surgery etc. If it is just for you and something you have thought long and hard about or something small you do monthly to treat yourself, these things are NECCSASARY! Treating myself and spoiling myself makes me feel well its silly to say but I’ll say it with honesty, it makes me feel worthy.

Strange how that works isn’t it? I didn’t think I was worth anything so why bother doing things just for myself and doing such things would be so selfish, turns out it’s the opposite, I feel worthwhile and special making myself number one.

This just might be on ongoing journey….stay tuned……….

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STICKING TO IT- TO DO IT

I know I have mentioned this a few times, but it helps to write it out and let the words be typed and saved to my blog.

My intention for starting my blog was to express myself in an open forum and let it all be public to those who may stumble across my words in hopes that it may help someone going through something similar.

I write anything I feel like it, I have an overall layout to my blog but for the first while it has just been posting mostly text posts and few beauty things here and there.

I still struggle with periods where I don’t write anything or feel as though it’s pretty silly to have the blog in comparison to other successful blogs. I have to remember why I first did this, it was to simply create. One word: CREATE.

I’m starting to feel a lot of pressure (put on by myself) to be a lot further in my goals for the blog.

My goals are (mentioned before).

• Fashion style section with photos
• Beauty posts
• Fun styled shoots
• More of my life in pictures
• Then sharing this all through beautiful pictures on my social media celebrating my blog

However I’m still not comfortable doing so, I live my life at a sloths pace so I needn’t expect my blog to change in a short amount of time. If only I could remember that every time I go to post!

I love this quote to end out this posting: “little by little you’ll get far”.

My new blogging motto!

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SKINCARE LONGTIME LOVES

Morning loves, here is in picture form my favorite long time skincare loves, my ride or die if you will.

TOP TO BOTTOM:

Origins Super Spot Remover
Purity by Philosophy Face Wash
Mario Badescu Cucumber Cleansing Lotion
Laura Mercier Face Polish
Kate Somerville Exfolicate
Josie Maron Milk & Oil
Clinique Serum
Mario Badescu Caviar Night Cream
Force De Vie
Bobbi Brown Face Cream

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SKINCARE DEETS

When people see my makeup obsession and collection its hard to convince them i am in fact more obsessed with skincare. Its a passion of mine that has become what i like to call a healthy justified obsession.

I have tried many many different brands and feel i am very picky in what makes the cut and gets re purchased as a favorite of my skincare line up.

My skin type and background: my skin is very dry (use to be extremely dry). I do experience breakouts from hormonal monthly changes and blocked pores as well as from time to time jawline texture.

My areas of concerns: premature aging, crows feet, fine lines, dark circles, breakouts, texture, skin tone

I love doing research, reading online reviews, online videos, logging onto my go to website Sephora and researching all ingredients and claims of the product in question. It's never a waste of time or money for me when you consider how important your skin is. You wear it everyday of your life, it can determine your age and play a huge role in self confidence.

Its no secret i have struggled with my confidence and self esteem as well as making myself a priority, however when it comes to my skin, i put it first. Above makeup and everything else I want to treat my skin right and by doing so hopefully it will love me back.

I am thinking of working on a few more skin care posts; ie:  long time loves, new additions, etc.

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LIGHT AND NUMB

Well i knew the day would come when I was going to have to confront the truth to my therapist about my sex life. After all its one of the biggest issues and struggles I have, I have been avoiding bringing it up to my therapist because its not easy to talk about to anyone not even in the safest of places one which i consider my therapists office.

It was in the last minutes of my appointment  it all came out and he asked the question i knew was coming for a few visits know. It was uncomfortable and full of shame, however i felt light after revealing everything and every struggle i am going through. Being completely open and honest allows for improvement and change both things i'm desperate for. I left the appointment feeling hopeful and yet numb from tip to toe.

One foot in front of the other, one numb foot after the other. Music so loud to it could deafen, my numb toes pressing the gas pedal, i began the drive home. The drive home knowing it was all out in the open. Will it get better, will i overcome these struggles, all i know is i need to try, i want to try, i have to try.

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TWO EASY SENTENCES

You'll end up real disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you."

I need to do for myself what I do for others, i expect what i give to others to return to me, in fact i need to love myself first and treat myself to as much attention and care as i do to others. Two easy sentences may equal one huge life change.

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ONE NOW TWO

After years and well...more years of dealing and battling depression I knew it had took a toll on my partner. I have always felt guilty for what I have put him through and still do to this day. He has never complained only tried to keep being as supportive as possible.

The last few months I have noticed a change in his mood, he is recently going through a lot of life changes and I attributed it to exactly that. It surprises me that i never noticed what was really going on, he is depressed.

I never thought that this would happen I feel so ashamed that i haven't been paying attention enough to him and didn't notice it sooner, but this is not about me its about him.

Having your partner depressed leaves the most unsettling feeling I've experienced. I feel helpless and lack of a better word...sad for him.

We have talked about it and decided he needed to seek help in whatever form is needed. I would like to keep details of his struggle with depression private. I just wanted to share that its a feeling hard to type out when your partner is depressed, i thought having it myself i wouldn't be affected and would know exactly how it would feel, i was wrong. I feel helpless and worried. Me and G have been through hell and back and this is another hurtle to go through hand in hand and come out the other side; stronger, happier and mentally more stable than ever before. This situation is less than ideal, the fact that we both are struggling with depression scares me for our relationship, but just proves we are never alone in our struggles. Me and G need each other more than ever.

I need to remember to work on my relationship just as much and perhaps as badly as i need to work on myself. With hard work comes rewards. Lets work. 

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