WEEKLY WASH

SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN, CLEAN!

I have been on the hunt since I started makeup to find and then try every makeup cleaner on the market from high end to low end, while they did as they said, cleaned my brushes.
I still wasn't satisfied, I felt my brushes were taking a beating and either had makeup residue left or cleaner residue left.

Then I seen a post about Boulevard Cosmetics Brush Cleaner & Conditioner and decided it would be next on my list to try.......I have never been more satisfied with a products claims! 

It was exactly that a brush cleaner that cleaned my brushes with such ease and effectiveness it was almost unbelievable, after my brushes dried they were soft and conditioned and felt better! I have been hooked! Plus its all you need, the lid has a little Velcro patch to scrub your brushes with that works great, an all in one system.

I buy mine on Morphe Brushes.............p.s. the hunts over why look more, I love it!!

Read More »

MONDAY MOTIVATION AND THINKING.........

MONDAY MOTIVATION AND THINKING.........

Read More »

MAD ABOUT MAD HATTER

The title of this post is pretty self-explanatory, everything and anything to do with Alice & Wonderland I am obsessed with! I love Disney’s Alice in Wonderland and Tim Burton’s version, the new movie coming out by Tim Burton is Alice through the looking Glass, and I am soooo excited! Johnny dep’s Mad Hatter character was brilliant in my opinion.

I loved the reading the book growing up and recently bought a copy to put on my book shelf for my office.

What I adore is the concept of Alice being so lost and confused in a world that makes no sense, but who says that the world or any world has to in fact make sense? Does anything these days? I love that Alice grows with confidence and learns to become strong throughout her journey. Its words I definitely relate to and for that I would say lead to my obsession.

Anyone else obsessed with a story that has evolved into movies over time?

I’d love to hear! 

Read More »

ME MYSELF AND I

The last few weeks I have wondered why I put so much of myself into others happiness and not my own. The worse I feel, the more depressed I am feeling the more I will try and make my loved ones days and lives better. That could mean buying a small gift or expensive gift I know they have been wanting or it could be as simple as an iced coffee delivered at break time.

I hardly say no, even though I have blogged about trying to stop that habit. It’s still something I struggle with.

The days after doing kinds things I am left wondering why I don’t feel that same love and appreciation back, that doesn’t mean I am angry with my loved ones for not doing what I do for them, it just makes me wonder and brews negative thoughts that I am not worthy.

I realized that I need to start treating myself the way I want to be treated by others. By this I mean I am worth taking care of.

I made a list of things I want to start working on incorporating into my daily life:

Bubble Baths

Picture Taking

Blogging

Exercising including Yoga

Spa Nights; mani pedis, masks, hair masks, long hot showers with body scrubs and lotion

Gel Nails

Sitting outside in our yard listening to music and reading books

These are just a few things I want to do to indulge myself and make myself a priority, I’m starting small and working towards more goals, long time goal is that old cliché saying: Loving Myself”.

You are worth spoiling my loves, put yourself first.

Read More »

YOUR MIND IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

Who in your life do you spend the most time with……your mind, that machine that never truly shuts down and one that has been silently programming itself throughout the years.

In my case over the years as I’ve struggled with depression, self-hate, shame, eating disorders I have hardwired my mind to a certain way of thinking, one that does nothing but fear.

Through the ups and downs of my life my mind has learned that if you fear something than I shouldn’t go forward I should stay as I am, that way there is no consequence of failure, nothing can go wrong, right? I’ve realized that I need to thank my mind for trying to protect me, trying to avoid pain and hurt.

The thoughts of self-hatred and shame I’ve programmed into my mind because of my weight have taken a toll. My mind fears more pain and shame if I was to try and change and then what if I fail.

Fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

The tactic to try and overcome my mind that is so distraught with fear it has been frozen in an ice age for the last three years……to simply thank my mind. After all it’s only trying to protect me from pain, something I’ve experienced enough of, so I’ve programmed it to be wary of everything that could cause pain.

My mind trying to protect me in the end has hurt me endlessly, I try nothing new and the situation and thought patterns there for don’t change.

I thank my mind for trying to protect me, then think what my goals are and am I letting my mind steer me towards my goals or away from them. What are my values? Is my mind steering me towards my values or away by making the decision that is in question.

The verdict: My Mind Is Not My Friend……….although it seeks to protect with all of the thoughts it send out that constantly swirl around and repeat in my brain, they are thoughts I need to diffuse. I need to diffuse from my mind…….wish me luck.

Read More »

HOLDING BACK WHILE MOVING FORWARD

HOLDING BACK WHILE MOVING FORWARD

I am very aware that the title of this post is confusing, however that is exactly how I feel at this moment. CONFUSED.

I am starting to notice small and small improvements and progress with therapy, I go every two weeks and at the last two sessions I as well as my therapist have notice micro changes for the better. He assures me that micro improvements are exactly what he sees from patients with similar problems, he also assures me these changes are leaning towards the path that I want to be on and one he agrees with as well.

This is by far the most excited and accomplished I have felt since starting therapy, I know its changes at a snail’s pace….but they are still changes!

What are these changes I am speaking of? To some I completely understand how small and insignificant they could be, to me change is huge! I have noticed that I worry less, as compared to before when every minute of every day I was worried and stressed about things completely out of my control. I feel with the techniques in therapy I am doing better at focusing my worries, by that I mean; when I am worrying about something that can’t be fixed by worrying than there is no point! I must move on with my day and shift my focus. I have also started to try and shift my focus onto what values as a person I hold to be important, when making a decision before I always thought it would be the wrong choice, now I try to compare the outcomes e.g. Will saying yes lead me down the path towards my values and goals or will it lead me away? If I say no will that lead me towards my goals or will it lead me away? I love this tool I learned in therapy as it really helps me focus on making decisions and feeling confident in them. I can rationalize to myself out loud that even if there are negative consequences as long as I am making a choice that coincides with my values and goals that I know I need to do so.

I have also tried to use many tools I have learned in therapy when it comes to emotional eating, I am becoming a lot more aware of triggers and exact reasons why I emotionally eat although I have yet to lose weight or really consider anything in this area of my life improving.

I have discussed staying on my anti depression meds for the time being as they balance out my emotions and let me stabilized my mood swings. I am fine being on them I know it’s not necessary for life but it’s what I need for the time being.

This progress is exciting for me but I keep a part hidden from my therapist I completely hold back hoping that by staying the course and committing to therapy will in turn give me the tools for myself to fix my inner hidden issues, ones I’ve yet to be comfortable with my therapist to talk with. I’m torn sometimes with thoughts that my progress would go better if I was honest with everything I have issues with, but is that true? Is it better to be just focusing on what I’m comfortable talking with and see how that affects all my issues, maybe I’ll never have to talk about it?

Maybe I can hold back and keep moving forward???

 

 

Read More »

BUT I DON’T WANNA……

BUT I DON’T WANNA……

I know that it’s so childish and pointless but I really despise birthdays! I don’t wanna have one, I don’t wanna get older, I just plain old don’t wanna deal with my birthday each year!

My birthday is in less than a month and while I’m super excited for family supper and birthday cake and a few gifts from loved ones (that’s my fav part) but can’t I just stay the same age?

The reason isn’t what you would think; I don’t mind the actual number of my age climbing upwards. It’s usually a good thing and something to be positive about. You are wiser, learned life lessons and have been through ups and downs that shape who you are and who I am yet to become.

The part that makes me cringe is I measure birthdays each year by what I have done within the last year of my life. I use it as a tool to measure my success or lack thereof.

What have I done to be a better person, am I better person than a year ago? Have I reached any of my goals? Happy with my job? Happy in general? Working out and being healthy? At my goal weight or have I put on weight? Conquered my depression? Financially secure and stable? Blogging and being successful at it?

The questions go on and on and all loop back to one general idea. “Am I who I want to be after another year of my life has gone by? I then start the process of robbing myself of any joys I do have, I start comparing my life to others, what they have accomplishes and they are the same age or younger, they must feel so great when it’s their birthdays? While I waste mine with nothing to show for it?

Or my worst fear which it seems is every year, have I watched another 365 days come and go and have no goals reached and I’m left feeling I’ve wasted a year of my life and precious time here on earth.

Does anyone else feel like this on their birthdays!?

I know I will be feeling like this again this year when my birthday arrives……..

My solution this year will be to try and focus on everything I do have and to try and be as grateful as possible.

 

 

 

 

Read More »