Big changes are on the horizon for me!
I have often thought of a day where I would wake up and not
feel the anxiety and negativity to come with getting to work.
I have dreamed of being able to focus on myself and just
have an un-scheduled amount of time off from work life to really be able to
focus my time on myself, my wellbeing, mental health as well as physical
health. Nothing more than a dream for I would say 5-8 years on and off. I had
talked to G before about taking a leave from work and we both decided it wasn’t
a financially smart decision and that was that.
Fast forward a year later to my birthday and I had a very
interesting and eye opening conversation with G. I was made aware just how much
my job was affecting my life and relationship. I was blind to it and once I
lifted the veil so many things came into focus, things I couldn’t ignore and
turns out wouldn’t ignore.
I had an amazing therapy session the day after talking with
G, and felt I had a lot more knowledge of why I was staying at my job and in my
current situation. GUILT. It’s no way to live and I knew it was time to end it
and change I just wasn’t sure if I was going to be capable of going through
with leaving. It’s extremely scary to not have an income every month and be on
a strict budget. I decided I needed to really think about it, I asked close
friends and family for advice, as much as their advice helped ultimately I had
to make the choice.
As the week went by I tried to make myself very aware of how
I was feeling at work and away from work. I left to visit a friend up North on
the weekend and on the drive home Sunday, I felt happy, actually happy. I
realized I felt more happiness thinking about quitting my job than id felt in
two years. I felt up beat, I felt energy, optimism and excitement for the
future. The thought of having time to myself for blogging, made me want to
reach for my keyboard and camera. I felt so many goals could be attainable
through the changes I could make in the future.
I made the decision on May 3, 2017 to quit my job. I have
two weeks left and an untraveled road ahead. I thought it would feel amazing to
quit like it did when I knew I was ready to move on from my previous job.
Instead when I handed in my resignation I felt sick, very sick. I felt a lot of
anxiety and guilt, it wasn’t a good feeling, I didn’t have regrets but I
definitely felt scared.
I got re assurance from friends, family even a previous work
college, I still felt sick to my stomach. What did make me feel better was
realizing I had handed in my resignation in Mental Health Awareness Week, if
that’s not a huge sign and/or coincidence I don’t know what is!
Cheers to an unknown road ahead, one filled with many
changes I’m sure of.
I’m scared, excited and happy.
Cheers to eyes wide open, realizations and signs!
