SOULFULL NOTES

I feel like I have an obsessive personality when it comes to music, I love all music in general, it can mend the soul, feel the soul, and set the soul on fire!

 

I love when I find music that speaks to my soul in a very special way, not that I just love the words but something I cant identify or put into words well, I usually just say it just makes me "feel".

 

My current obsession: Chris Stapleton, every song!

 

That voice, that talent, YouTube one of his live performances of "Devil named music" you wont regret it!

 

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REAL REALIZATIONS

 

If I let my mind wonder in the opposite direction it normally chooses what does it want to think?

 

It has realizations my normal negative thoughts usually push out before I can actually let them sink in and give them a chance.

 

What am I mumbling about?

 

REAL REALIZATIONS....

 

Maybe just maybe my mind focuses on everything I'm failing at that I m blind to the things I am succeeding at, like a hazy filter I cant focus on, the negative seem so clear and crisp and detailed, while the positive seem the opposite. No matter how small the success its still something I worked for and should feel positive about, after all I always focus on every little negative detail why cant I try and shift my mind into a different focus of detail, giving myself credit for what I have done, where I am now.

 

Maybe just maybe forcing my self to make these positive success's clear to myself and saying out loud I should be proud of them will make me push for and work for more.

 

Isn't it all about believing? That's where I find myself in trouble, I have to face the realization that I don't love myself.....never have. I need to face this head on in order to continue working on my other problems; weight, depression, anxiety, motivation, success...etc.

 

I could babble on about this for endless sentences but ill keep it to a few realizations at a time.

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FEAR & LOATHING CONQUERED BY QUOTES

 

 

 

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HIATUS & BUTTRFLIES

Its been almost three months since my fingertips touched this keyboard, the butterflies build as I type. Its been too long, and do I have a reason for my hiatus.....not any that I can justify anyways.

Truth be told I let laziness and excuses and the judgement I put on my soul make my decisions. I thought if their was no success in my future, why would I or should I continue, I expect my improvement to be overnight and have exactly what others success is to be.

Success wasn't even my goal, the whole reason I started this blog was to write and express myself and my words to have a journal of my life, my likes, my loves to look back on. Weather that journal be a success or failure it only matters what I truly think of this blog. NO ONE ELSE. (reminder to myself)

I sit here wondering why I let the earth spin around me while I feel like I stand still, frozen in fear or the perception of failure. Isn't giving up without even trying the worst type of failure?

Bottom line, I enjoy writing. THE END.

OR IS IT THE BEGINNING.

Ill consider this three month hiatus just a bump in the road, ill consider the butterflies I feel inside as a reason to keep going, ill consider that my fingers still want to type a reason to continue.

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